There’s a lot of talk in Apex Legends about metas, competitive play, and a new zappy character. I’m going to tell you a secret: None of those things matter. Maybe boosting in Apex Legends is the trick, but you will still want to know what character to pick. If you want to do well in Apex, you need a character with a sassy line while using the coolest moves. Yes, victory is decided not by skill, but by fine ultimate voice lines.
So today I will rank the Apex ultimate voice lines. Here we go!
10. Wraith: “Placing the Portal/Portal is ready”
This is the kind of straight-forward line that I would expect from Bangalore. Where is the goth? Where is the darkness? Give me something edgy, please. I’d rather have a cringy Portal reference than this.
9. Octane: “Ready, set go!”
Did anyone else expect something more… Hyper? Oh, you are telling me he shouts at the top of his lungs when he actually steps on the pad? That’s better I guess. I don’t know, Octane’s line is just boring. Sorry.
8. Bangalore: “Heads up, dropping the pain!”
The warning is appreciated, especially because Bangalore’s ultimate does bring a lot of pain. Still, Bangalore has a lot of neat and creative lines, but this isn’t one of them. I expected more from this vet, especially considering that she spends an hour talking about every gun that she runs into.
7. Bloodhound: “I bathe in the bloth!”
A little extra, but pretty cool. Who would have thought that they would have the edgiest line? Still, I like their “All-father, give me sight” line more, which absolutely should have been the ultimate line. But whatever, I’m not gonna be the one who tells Bloodhound that they messed up.
6. Mirage: “Using the decoy to escape”
Running away from battle isn’t cool. Using your decoys to run away from battle is even less cool. How can you be so blatant about your morally wrong behavior? It ain’t right. Mirage might be charismatic, but he is no hero. He might as well say “You mean nothing to me fake Mirage, now go die.”
5. Gibraltar: “Bring down some destruction AHAHAHAHA”
Those are bombs Gibraltar! Why the maniacal laugh? Okay, but really, that laugh at the end sells the whole thing and it only makes me love this boy even more. This man is out here laughing at war like its a toy, yet it is still endearing somehow. Speaking of maniacs…
4. Caustic: *Silence*
Honestly, thank All-Father he doesn’t actually say anything here. It would be way more messed up than everything else he says. No threatening words, no menacing coughs, just a gaseous, poisonous cloud. This is what tranquility feels like.
3. Lifeline: “Come and get your birthday present”
You know, most Lifelines don’t actually give me the birthday present. They take it every time. It’s all misleading and quite frankly, it’s rude. It’s false advertising, and I won’t fall for the healer facade. It’s not even my birthday, Lifeline, but it isn’t surprising that you don’t know that.
It’s still a good line though.
2. Pathfinder: “Who’s ready to fly on a zipline? I am!”
I don’t know why other characters aren’t as optimistic as Pathfinder. Pathfinder has suffered tremendously since the game has come out due to wonky hitboxes, but he still manages to pick the team up and carry them long distances with a smile on his chest. I’m ready. I’m ready to fly on your ziplines.
1. Wattson: “Shush Now, no more storms.”
Before Wattson came into my life, I had to wear one of the storm jackets that your dog wears to calm down. Now, the storms are gone. Wattson, you have brought me comfort, and I don’t deserve all of the good you have brought into my life. I will shush now.
